The wounded healer
Shining brighter than before
Dark night of the soul
(A haiku that I wrote to capture the essence of my life journey)
“I can’t imagine you ever being sad or down”, said my client who has known me for years.
“I am happy to see that you see my light now. Just to let you know, I have had many dark days in my life too.” said I, in a moment of self-disclosure.
I remember a key turning point in my life was grade 3. Miss. M appeared in my life as my class teacher. Until then I was a carefree child. Soon I turned into a precocious child, trying to make sense of the world. I could not fathom why she took a dislike to me, why she insulted me or hauled me up every other day. She mocked my handwriting and showed it to the entire class, among other things. Some sadistic pleasure. Going to school turned into a nightmare.
I can talk about this event now, after years of therapy and healing. I can possibly explain why she loved bullying a little girl and forgive her too.
In fact, I can even thank her for playing her role to perfection. It was her cruelty that pushed me to look for answers. And she was the reason I started excelling at studies.
She had announced a prize for the student who stood first in class. To me, that was my only chance at regaining my dignity and seeking vengeance. Imagine the thrill of receiving the prize from the same person who doled out punishments. That is when standing first in class became a driving force for me.
Decades later I realized I was only trying to mask my pain with outward success. That I had numbed my heart and gut, let my head take over. Avoiding pain was my way of dealing with reality.
It showed up in my body as stomach upset and such for years thereafter. And I continued to experience other Miss M lookalikes in my life.
My seeking continued, as I enrolled into courses and read through books. I embarked on my own healing journey, and I continued to peel layers of my wounds, so that my light shines through more and more. I found answers in various schools of thought, and I met kindred souls on this journey.
I found my calling as the wounded healer. Shining my light for others during their stormy nights is how I see my role in this world. To provide the space filled with empathy, compassion and hope, for others to shine their light.
I continue to listen to my head, heart and gut. I look at my shadows and fight my inner demons from time to time. I am committed to letting my light shine through, with every choice I make.
This is the story behind Being Light ® - to be the light for others, to help others feel lighter in their being, with the help of Beings of Light (a team of invisible helpers).
If you would like to be supported on your journey for a few steps, we are just a message away. Write to us at thejasvi@beinglight.in
#healing #beinglightcoaching #coaching #holisticcoach #emotionalintelligence #emotionalwellbeing #mindfulness
Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash
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